How to be wise when dealing with criticism

I was sitting with one of my colleagues in the cafeteria drinking a cup of coffee during the break time. While discussing some work stuff, we started to see that we have very different points of view and we began a debate in which each of us was trying to prove the other is wrong. Then when he ran out of arguments, he turned our debate into a discussion about me and how I do my work, while unleashing a flood of criticism over me.

But I was lucky to know how to wisely deal with criticism in general and negative/aggressive criticism especially. Wait, that doesn't mean I did a strong criticism repost and made him regret the day he applied for the job, not at all. What I mean by being able to deal with criticism is that you are someone who is not offended or feeling so bad and uncomfortable when receiving it.

This is what I will explain briefly in this article, how to turn from someone who keeps feeling bad when criticized, respond with trash talk, and make a bunch of enemies, to someone wise who is completely ok with being the subject of criticism and completely able to defend himself effectively with no harm.

Let's take a look at what can push people to criticize others. Someone telling you that your way of organizing your tasks is bad for example can have one of many well-known reasons, or sometimes more than one of them in the same time. He can be someone:

• Good trying to help you become a better person by showing you your flaws. 
• Bad who feels joy when he makes others feel bad and uncomfortable.
• Who is mad at you because you did (or he thinks you did) something wrong to him, and he wants to make you understand that by criticizing you.
• Who is competing with you, be it professionally or personally, which is fair and can be seen as a right behavior in certain limits.
• Who likes you and wants to draw your attention to him in a nontraditional way.

I can tell you more reasons, but that's not the point. What I want to deliver to you is that the reasons behind criticism can be positive or negative (Wow! you don't say), and in both cases feeling offended is not good for you. If you go mad and lose control over yourself and what you are saying, you will give people criticizing you what they seek if they are from the negative type. Or you will hurt them and make them hate you if they are from the positive and good type.

So what you should do when being criticized is to not think about the reasons behind, leave it to later after you finish your discussion.  Just listen to what others have to say about you, try to understand clearly what they want to say, and don't take it personal straight away and make drama from it.

Hold on to your self-confidence and respond logically. If what they are saying is wrong, make it clear to them, and if they insist, just end the conversation and stop wasting your time. And if they are actually right, whatever the tone they used when they criticized you, don't be oversensitive or arrogant and confidently admit it while smiling like nothing happened, if it is not something you want to keep as a secret of course.

With this wise behavior, the good people who want to help you out will admire you and respects you even more. The bad people will not get what they want and they will stop bothering you while respecting you too. And what is more beneficial, is that you will start looking to criticism as something you can exploit to improve yourself instead of something that only makes you feel bad and ruin your mood.